I Love My New Boots
Finally, after a looong time, after hesitating, searching, trying, hesitating again, finally finally finally, today, I got my boots.
Damage:
RM99.00Actually it looks much more chioer on my legs than in photos. There's another one which I actually saw first, which is up to the knee de, but then discovered that they didn't have my size. I was really disappointed when I thought I couldn't get my boots after all, when suddenly I saw this pair which I bought, and fell in love with it.
It's love at first sight lor.
But now my friend says that I look like those GRO girls who work in KTV and discos, you know, those who sit around with customers and let their dirty hands touch their bodies all over. Then I feel like, shit, maybe I shouldn't bought it in the first place. But she told me that it looks really good on me. Just that I shouldn't match it with sexy blouses and heavy make-up.
I'm like, WHAT THE FUCK?
Am I supposed to wear these chio chio boots to match it with dirty old t-shirts with my hair all over the place and zero make-up? Not even to shade my eyebrows or some mascara or some lipstick?
Think I'll look like a freak.
But anyway, I'm happy la..
Just don't tell Mr Lao Gong that I cheat him of an extra RM100.00 of room rental to pay for my boots. He doesn't read English, so it's ok.
Shhhh~~~~~~~~~
ThAt LaDy @ 3:20 PM
This Is A Nice World to Live In
Have you ever felt like you wanna commit suicide? Like as though you hurt so much and you think that maybe by dying, you won't hurt anymore?
Many times I felt so down, so hurt, and it hurts till the point where you just can't take it anymore and you just wanna D_I_E!!!!
But then, I thought, how should I die?
Jump off from a building? Too bloody, and maybe my eyeballs will pop out. And it will be painful. The impact. Ouch.
Overdose myself with plenty of sleeping pills. Then, I'll puke white substance all over myself and die struggling while the veins on my neck pop out. Urgh, too ugly.
Cut my wrists? Too bloody. I'll be too white and pale when people find me, and thus, too ugly. When the blood flows, I'll get cold.
Someone once taught me, soak myself in hot hot bath tub, then cut my wrists in the hot hot water, blood will flow faster and I won't feel cold and I'll die in a beautifully peaceful and not-so-painful way.
Hmmm, I actually gave it a serious thought, and have decided that if one day I wanna commit suicide, this shall be how I'm gonna do it.
Once, I took a fruit knife and wore my best dress (I made sure that it's not red just in case I become a "厉鬼") and went into my mother's bathroom.
Then, I prepared the hot hot bathtub, put on my best make-up, listened to my favourite songs on my hp, and ate my fullest (just in case I become "饿鬼") .
Then, made my final playlists in my hp, put it beside the bathtub, step into the hot hot bathtub, and lay there.
And I listened to my favourite songs, and I just lay there, peacefully, feeling as though I am empty, as though I can finally leave everything behind, and feeling relaxed, soothing, and I fell asleep.
Then I woke up after two hours shivering (hot hot water already become cold cold water by then), then I realised I left my fruit knife by the sink (which means I totally forgot to bring it into the bathtub).
Ok, by this time, I think, do I still need to die? Do I still wanna die? Water not hot anymore, so if I die now I'll die in cold. Make-up already smudged, so if I die now I'll die ugly. And I don't feel that pain in my heart anymore, ok, still feel it a little, but it's a lot lesser than before.
Then I got up, showered, cleaned up everything in the shower, and once again, hung up my best dress to dry. Well, at least it's not gonna follow me into the coffin. Or at the very least, not anytime soon.
And I smiled at myself, for the foolishness, for the stupidity, for the irresponsibility.
Well, at least now I'm still alive, and because I'm still alive, I get to taste the sweet after the bitter, I get to taste the happiness after the tears, I get to taste the love after the hurt today.
And I'm thankful that I fell asleep that day, though till now I still can't figure out how the hell I was able to fall asleep in the bathtub. Hmmm, maybe it's cause I was just too tired at that time after nights and days of endless crying and working until I wore myself out. Well, lucky I didn't drown. Urgh, then my body will be bloated with water when I am found. Ugly.
When I feel down, there is always my 四舅 for me to talk to. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, a very important part of my life. He's my mentor, my best friend. Without him, I cannot be who I am today.
Once, I was really upset, and I wrote him an e-mail, and this was his reply:
"你好，我尚好，創業階段，辛苦難免。
你在新加坡的日子看來不是很愉快。其實，人，怎麼可能沒有問題，如果沒有問題，沒有心事，沒有煩惱，那就不是人生了。一個生命的誕生，一定會經過甜、酸、苦、辣的心事，想要卻要不到，想愛卻愛不到，想得卻得不到的苦。
我也有很愛的人，但她結婚了；我也有很喜歡的女孩，但她有男朋友了，我也曾經哭過，為什麼命運如此對我，但後來我發現，這不是命運的錯，而是在這場戲中，我們根本不是被安排好的男女主角，我們可能有更好的安排，但我們不懂，原因是當初，我們只看到戲的一部份。
當有一天，你有機會看完整部戲的面目，你就會感謝命運，它從來沒有虧待過你，只是你當時不明白而己。
相信我，每個人的生命一定是公平的，就算是不公平，那也是對每個人都不公平。人最難能可貴的是，在最困苦的時候，永遠不放棄追求生命的真、善、美。當有一天你走過來了，你一定會對自己的「蛻變」「成長」感到驕傲。
如果真有那麼一天，那就表示你生命這一趟行程，已經值回票價了，你圓滿了自己也對得起自己了。
有什麼心事可以和我談，或你的好朋友談了，無論你多傷心，記得，明天的陽天照樣升起。哭過要站起。
記得張艾嘉的愛的代價嗎，有一句歌詞這樣唱的：「走吧，走吧，人終要學會自己長大； 走吧，走吧，人生難免有苦痛掙扎。」
對了，那筆錢就當你已經還給我，我再轉給你當生活費，不需要還給我了。有什麼事再聯絡我。
我們書信交流，這是我的msn xxxxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com
我有預感，你一定可以活得很開心，你知道為什麼嗎？因為我看著你長大，小時候的你最可愛和討人歡心，當時你就是開心果，想想小時，你的成就肯定沒有現在，但為什麼現在你有一點小成就，反而不開心呢，或許是因為，有些事情，我們要學習扮笨一點，善忘一點，自然生命的重擔就會輕一點。
加油，開心果。"
After reading this, I just totally cry out lor, don't know why, makes me all the more emotional.
But I really do thank him la, for everything that he do for me, everything he did for our family.
No words can describe my gratitude for him, for always being there for me, always showing me the right path when I am lost, always brighten up my life, always making me smile when I cry, always encouraging me when I fall, always drying up my tears.
See? With people who love you by your side, never giving up on you, why should you give up on yourself?
This is a nice world, a beautiful world, a world filled with love and happiness~~~
ThAt LaDy @ 12:43 PM
I'm drowning in H-A-P-P-I-N-E-S-S
Kekeke... Yup, I am happy, happy now that I have things going my way, and most importantly, I'm happy that I am finally AWAKE.
That means, I can now understand that not all things go according to the way you planned, not everything that you want you can own.
And now, I finally understand that all that matters to me is YOU!!!
YOU, as in each and everyone of you here who is reading my blog, cos that means you care for me.
And I have people caring for me, and it's all that matters to me now.
My friends, my relationship, my family.
Though at times I know that it may not be a smooth road, but somehow it always turns out fine for me.
I am blessed.
Talking about my relationship, keke, 华宝宝 (i'm calling him this cos I think it's cute) actually "suggested" that we go register our marriage first, then after we have everything settled (we are making plans to set up our own business) and stabilised, we'll hold the traditional chinese wedding.
Then I look at him in a very funny way and ask him, "are you proposing to me now?"
And he said, "no, let's just go and register first."
WTF???!!!!!! Hello Mr CRAZY, by "register", it means legally married in the eyes of the law.
That means I'm your wife, your FUCKING (no pun intended) wife!!!
And you think you can just marry me without proposing???!!!!!
HA! 想得美！
Ok la, he's not the very romantic type (though sometimes he can be, just in a different sort of way), and I know that he knows what he should do, just that sometimes he don't know how to go about doing it.
And thus, I'll forgive him. Keke.
What??? People in love you jealous ar?
Stop laughing or I'll chop off your head!!!!
Ok, I'm losing my sense of humour.
Anyway, I just went to collect my new I/C yesterday, and finally I feel that everything's come to a close, and I can finally start over. (I just hope that I don't get rob again.)
And Mr CRAZY is now so crazy that he INSISTS that I call him ”老公" from now on, and I cannot call him anything other than that, and I said that he really is my "老"公, cos he really 很老!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
Well, and I'm also very happy seeing my friends happy, seeing my friends dipping in bliss, and it makes me all the more happy just thinking that everything seems so perfect now.
"sigh happily"Just a few words for my ”老公":
谢谢你华，在这段日子，我最失落难熬的日子陪伴我。
谢谢你在我最彷徨无助的时候扶了我一把，教会了我什么事情应该怎么处理。
谢谢你在我最难过的时候给我安慰，让我觉得我一点也不孤单。
谢谢你在风雨路里为我撑伞，在风雨过后继续陪我走。
谢谢你支持我，保护我，关心我，疼爱我。
我真的感受到你对我的爱，我也答应你我不会再轻易放弃。
三年了，我真的没有选错，没有爱错。
虽然有时路难走，但我知道我们彼此都不会后悔。
可以嫁给你，是我这一生最大的福气。。。+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
有人天天在找幸福。他很努力。幸福說：追我，我就屬於你
當有一天真的追到幸福時，幸福又說：放棄我，你才會知道幸福。
當放棄幸福後，幸福又說：不放又放，才是幸福
等有一天，她不放了，幸福又說：放了又不放，才是幸福
當這個人在幸福的故事，體會了一次又一次的幸福與不幸，
最終....他明白了「幸福」一直想告訴他的真義！
幸福，沒有標準，只要在事情中、感情中、過程中、爭取中，盡了最大的努力...
那就算不幸，那也是幸福
因為幸福不是擁有
而是盡了最大努力
然後放下
這是.......幸福
ThAt LaDy @ 6:23 PM
I got robbed
Yes, that's right, just a few days before Valentine's Day. And from that day onwards till now, nothing is going smoothly for me.
Ha, the experience of getting robbed? No words can describe how I feel, cos I've never felt so scared, so weak, so stressed out in my whole life.
Once, a friend showed me a video clip in her hp. I'll roughly tell you the story.
This malay guy was riding a motorbike with his gf at the back, and the both of them went to search for targets to rob.
They found a lady walking alone along the roadside and they decided that they shall rob her. So they drove next to her, and the gf reached for the lady's handbag, but the lady was quick to pull back her handbag, and because the lady pulled back her own handbag, it resulted the gf to lose her balance and fall off the bike.
Then, the lady shouted "Robber Robber!!"
The guy sped off, WITHOUT the gf.
The gf was on the floor, when guys surround her, started to kick her, punch her, and everything that you can imagine.
In the video clip, the gf was being beaten by at least 10 or more guys. They kicked and punched her and her face starts to turn bloody.
Then they pulled her hair till she was sitting up, with blood all over her face, and pushed her head to a medium sized rock that was lying on the floor.
By this time, she was already losing her strength, and unable to fend for herself, she can only lie there and let them beat the hell out of her.
Her pants was stripped off by someone, leaving her with her underwear, and her red jacket that she was wearing, and bruises all over her body.
No one raped her, but the intention of stripping her pants off was to humiliate her, I think.
The final part of the video clip was, she was lying there, someone picked up an ENORMOUS rock and threw it on her head. Twice.
The first time, and blood was flowing out from her head, and the floor was slowly covered with her blood.
The second time, more blood covered the road that she was lying on, flowing like water.
And someone, one of the guys who beat her, took her pants, and threw it back over her lower body to cover it.
Video clip ends.
Let me remind you all that this video clip is a true episode. Someone took the video clip while he was also busy beating her up.
None of the guys who beat her showed their face in the video clip. All it showed was the girl being kicked by many pairs of legs and the rock thrown on her head. Hands, legs, rock, and the girl. None of the guys who beat her showed their face.
When I first saw the video clip, I felt disgusted, felt like puking, felt like crying for the girl, I mean, she's a girl after all right?
I wanted to share this with you all then, but in the end I decided not to, because I felt that this is very disturbing, and can have different effects on different people.
For days after watching the video, I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, and all I could think of was the girl and the rock and the blood that was flowing from her head to the roadside.
Therefore, I thought, if me myself, also cannot bear the sight of it, I should not put this stress on other people.
And till now, I seriously feel that this kinda video clips should not be shown, played, or circulated in any form as this video contains very disturbing scenes which can leave a very deep impact on people, and can also affect different people in different ways.
When I saw the video, I thought the girl was very pitiful, yes, she may have done wrong, but she is still a girl, and who are we to exercise punishments on her? She should be handed over to the police, and dealt with accordingly.
I wonder the guy who threw the enormous rock at her, can he even sleep at night after that? He killed a girl with his own hands. Will he even feel the slightest guilt?
I told my friend, who showed me the video clip. But she said, these kinda people should not be sympathised, should not be pitied, cos there have been many cases where rob victims end up in a vegetable state in the hospital or even end up dead because of these robbers. You pity them, they don't pity you when they rob you.
At that point of time, I disagreed with her views. And I told her, two wrongs do not make a right.
The girl robbed, she's a robber. The guy who killed her, he's a murderer.
Today, I still feel that the girl should not be killed in this way, cos the way of dying is too painful.
However, I am less angry with the guys who beat her now. Cos now I can understand their reasons for their anger, and I can feel their anger that has been residing inside them for so long.
We are robbed. But after we make police reports, the robbers are never caught. Who do we blame this on?
In Singapore, criminals can usually get caught in the first 24 hours of their crime. While in Malaysia, it is entirely different. Maybe it's because the country's too big? Or.....
I got back my driving license, certificate, and passport, thanks to the many kind people out there who returned it to me. I was even on the newspaper one day after Valentine's Day, cos someone picked up my passport from somewhere and passed it to the newspaper office. Hence, they published my photo and asked me to go to their office to collect back my document, which turned out to be my passport.
To retrieve all of these things, it took a few days. But during this period of time, I had to run here and there, from the police station, to the government offices, to the "sumpah" offices and back and forth.
And all these days and nights, I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, cos I was worried about my documents and thinking of ways to finish up the processes faster and at night when I closed my eyes, I'm haunted by the guys who robbed me. Till now, I can remember vividly their faces.
Thank God, I am surrounded by kind people who slowly returned me my documents within the next few days.
Though till now, my IC is still not found, and which has been re-applied, I'm just thankful that my passport is back in my hands. Cos it's the most important thing to me. No passport, no job, no money.
Still gotta wait another two more weeks before my new IC can be collected. Well, I'm just thankful that I am not hurt in the robbery. Though it's really a huge scare. Even till now, when I sleep, I still dream of the robbery over and over again.
People, please, robbery can occur anywhere, even in Singapore. However, if by any chance you really need to come in to Malaysia, please please please, put your passport in your pocket. Money should be kept in two or three different places, preferably also in your pocket. Try not to bring in your IC or other personal documents, cos your passport is enough to prove your identity. Leave your IC at home and bring your passport. Passport, money, hp, should always, always be in your pockets.
Do not think that two or even three of you are in a group, so you need not be scared. I was robbed by FOUR guys.
And please, in the event of a robbery, drop your bag and RUN! Don't be a fucking retard to try and fight with the robbers, all you should save is your LIFE!
Remember these words today, so that you won't regret tomorrow. Robbery can happen anytime, anywhere. So make the necessary precautions and don't go to places that are dark. Always go by places where it's bright and full of people.
So anyway, well, things have not been going smoothly for me since the robbery. But I'll take things one at a time.
Think I'm gonna need sleeping pills if I carry on like this.
But I'm ok. So don't worry for me.
ThAt LaDy @ 4:42 PM
